Everything has a beginning. Read about the origins and history of Starting Over – A Relationship Recovery Workshop as seen in the Colorado Springs’s Gazette Telegraph (March 21, 2016) by Stephanie Earls.
When a significant romantic relationship ends, the path to healing – emotional, psychological and financial – often can be as traumatic as the breakup itself.
Mark Skalberg lost more than a partner when he and his wife divorced in the 1980s. The split wound up costing him his job as pastor of a conservative church.
“It didn’t matter the reasons behind the divorce – 28 years ago, if you were divorced and a pastor, you were history,” he said. “It was not a happy time – probably one of the worst times of my life, as it is with most people.”
Skalberg looked to his church and community for resources to help him cope and, ultimately, heal – a support group or forum where he could find understanding from those experiencing the same life upheavals as well as guidance from those who’d made it through.
He found none.
“My No. 1 priority was my 10-year-old son. I wanted to be a good dad, but I was kind of lost,” said Skalberg, an ordained minister and relationship coach who later spent 15 years on the pastoral staff at Colorado Springs’ Woodmen Valley Chapel. “My pain was hard to process. I got some good counsel, but there wasn’t a workshop I could go to in 1987. I didn’t know where else to turn, and here I was a pastor.”
Statistics show that about half of marriages in America end in divorce. That number rises to almost 70 percent for second marriages.
“After a divorce, people are in danger of making poor choices that impact them the rest of their lives. They don’t think of their kids because they’re hurting so much. They don’t think about the consequences of getting into another relationship too quickly,” Skalberg said.
Often, the most accessible sounding boards for someone in crisis aren’t necessarily the best.
“People are desperate for information and they go to their friends, and sometimes their friends tell them really good things, but maybe some of that input people give us isn’t the best,” he said. “Friends might say, ‘Well, gosh, you ought to meet Harry. You ought to meet Sally,’ like that’s the answer. I believe that’s doing them a disservice.”
Skalberg turned what he learned from his recovery into a program, Starting Over Workshops, and since 1992 he’s presented the course – also available in DVD and online – to more than 5,000 people at churches and community centers, businesses and executive retreats.
“The workshop originated from my own storyline, my own pain and disappointment, so I have an idea where they’re coming from, what they’re feeling and what they have to process,” said Skalberg, who also created versions of the program for children and teens whose parents have divorced.
The adult workshop, presented in six classes over six weeks, is designed to help the recently divorced begin processing the loss, turmoil and shock of the broken relationship – and a fractured life.
“Aside from the emotional part, your life is radically upside down. Divorce affects their insurance, where they live, their social life,” Skalberg said. “We talk about the stages of grief and the myths about healing. I let them know what they’re going through is not unusual. We try to get quickly to the issues they’re dealing with right now.”
For a number of graduates, Starting Over is where their next chapter began – on many fronts.
“Hundreds of couples have gotten married (after meeting) through the workshop,” Skalberg said. “The ones who’ve gotten married have stayed married. That’s very rewarding to see a healthy relationship that lasts because they’re making good decisions this time around.”
To send the online version of the GT article click here. It’s not too late to register for the next workshop beginning THIS Thursday, March 31st by clicking here.
