In our last blog we looked at the benefits of having and applying clear boundaries in our lives. Here are a few more boundaries that can help you experience mutual respect and deeper relationships that will last.
What you think about: Mark 7:21-23 The real battles we face are in our minds. Most of us struggle with this area. Our thoughts are simply difficult to control and often come unannounced.
When fatigued or overwhelmed with circumstances or in a weakened state, we become more vulnerable and tend to risk far more than we thought we were willing to.
This desperate desire for connection will often cloud our judgment and our memories of past experience. We can easily forget that any interest from someone else can provoke deep feelings of exhilaration and consequent regrets afterwards. If the truth be known, most of have or can be controlled by our ‘thought-life’. This is nothing brilliant to suggest, but you and I need to replace our unrealistic fantasies with real affirming truths from God.
Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Philippians 4:8 The Message
Keep relationships on neutral ground:
He who guards his way guards his life. Proverbs 16:17b
For those who inevitably found themselves in places of regret in past relationships, its best to meet on neutral ground or in a public place. A place where there are no closed doors. In order to avoid misunderstandings in your dating relationships set curfews for each other’s homes.
When we seclude ourselves from our friends, wise counsel and have no accountability with our relationships it’s not rocket science where that can lead.
Keep Relationships Focused Outward: Proverbs 16:3 It’s understandable that a new relationship can be exciting and invigorating, but if it is only focused on itself it can become too inward focused. Good relationships cannot sustain themselves by themselves, they inevitably need others in their lives for vitality and balance.
Too much inward focus brings an unhealthy dependence on the other person who cannot meet all your needs. This unknowing expectation is simply unrealistic for most couples and leads to all kinds of misunderstanding.
When relationships become so ingrown often one person feels trapped and wants to run to their friends. When we lose our good friends for an exclusive relationship we lose a lot. Be forward thinking and find balance before a significant relationship develops.
When you recognize the characteristics of dangerous sexual people (male or female) and live with clear boundaries, you’ll experience:
Mutual respect and support of your boundaries
So don’t get your signals crossed and keep your boundaries and expectations reasonable. If you only limit your friendships to the same sex you’re missing perspective.
Real intimacy
Unfortunately, our culture has portrayed intimacy as solely sexual. Intimacy is a close association over a long period of time. So, allow time for relationships to develop. Don’t be in a hurry. Intimacy is not a destination, but a journey. Take time, slow down and develop intimacy with your friends and family.
Emotional and spiritual growth
Prioritize and develop your relationship with God. Make choices not to allow your relationships to compete with God. Unfortunately and unknowingly, we can allow our relationships to replace our relationship God. It’s not fair to put anyone in the place of God.
Now, be willing to be available to God by allowing Him to use all your abilities, skills and passion to help others for His sake. As you do, you’ll discover richer and more genuine relationships.
Want to add something to the discussion? Your comments are welcome.
With Hope,
Mark
mark@startingoverworkshops.com
