By Mark Skalberg and DiAnna Steele,
Recently at a gathering of friends our host brought out metal puzzles and challenged guests to separate the pieces. This activity made for laughter, cheering and more than a bit of frustration as people attempted to solve puzzles. For most, puzzle pieces were so entangled the task of separating them seemed daunting. They quickly gave up.
Emotional Entanglements between men and women present similar challenges. People so desperately desire real, unconditional love. Yet we somehow entwine our hearts in unhealthy relationships that seem impossible to separate ourselves from.
“Entangle: To twist together or entwine into a confusing mass.” {freedictionary.com}
What happens when relationships become entwined into a confusing mass? Emotional entanglements often lead to unrealistic expectations, misunderstanding, deep disappointments and broken relationships.
How can we avoid such heartache? We begin by recognizing when we are at risk.
Danger Signs of Emotional Entanglements:
~False assumptions about yourself or others.
False assumptions allow us to delude ourselves into believing rules of sowing and reaping don’t apply to us. We imagine ourselves strong enough to handle situations that might result in trouble for weaker persons. We envision immunity to consequences if we fail.
Scripture warns us not to rely on self. “Don’t be so naïve and self confident. You’re not exempt. You could fall flat on your face as easily as anyone else.” I Corinthians 10:12 (MSG)
In truth, false assumptions are layers of pride disguised as self-confidence. Pride and arrogance blind us to relational risks and subsequent dangers.
“Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.” Proverbs 16:18
Emotional entanglements can happen to anyone. We must be careful to exercise discernment in our personal relationships, to confess and forsake pride and to cultivate God-confidence.
~Mind your own Business mentality.
Sally, 35, never married feels attraction for her boss John, a kind, compassionate married family man. John always eagerly listens to Sally and constantly praises her work. Sally, like millions of others in our culture, faces constant bombardment with media’s enticement and Hollywoodstorylines depicting workplace affairs as a resume enhancement.
When a friend expressed concern about the time Sally spends with John , Sally responded, “We’re just good friends, there is no physical involvement.”
Essentially, Sally is saying, “Mind your own business”. She feels because there’s intensity without touch, a need is met with no moral code violated. Sally is emotionally entangled and fails to realize how dangerously close she’s ventured to sexual entanglement.
The mind your own business mentality exposes us to entanglements we may never have considered. Better to open ourselves up to fellow believers, being accountable to someone we trust our true self with. A godly mentor or friend helps us shine light on dark places. When Light enters, darkness diminishes. Our protection from emotional entanglement comes from walking in Light.
“But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin” I John 1:7
~I’m only human.
Cindy and Tom had both been divorced for years when they met. Cindy hadn’t dated much but felt she was finally ready to begin again. They met each other’s kids, shared dinners and generally enjoyed each other’s company.
After only a few dates they were physical on a regular basis, justifying their conduct with “I’m only human. I have needs.” Yet, within a month Tom withdrew and wanted to date other women. Cindy felt rejected and used. Her original thought, “This is just between us so no one will be hurt by it,” came back to haunt her.
Certainly genders can be reversed here.
God understands our humanity. He is the One who gave us our needs. He also makes a way for us to live free from emotional entanglements.
“No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” I Corinthians 10:13
Danger signs of emotional entanglements are all around us.
We consider ourselves immune to temptation. “Nothing bad will happen to me, I’m the exception, I can handle this…”.
We skirt the fringes of temptation, “I understand him (her) so much better than his wife (her husband) does, I’m just trying to help, We’re just friends…”.
Or we dive directly into temptation, “God knows I need this. So many others are doing it, it can’t be that bad.”
Regardless of our intentions, results remain the same: Painful & damaging emotional entanglements.
The Bible encourages us to exercise caution.
“Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” I Peter 5:8
In our next blog, we’ll explore some common causes of emotional entanglements and how to be on our guard against them.
Note: If your experiences would be helpful to others about this contoroversial topic please share them below.
